I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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