I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
