Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
