theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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