his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
