I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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