I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
