And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
