i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
