Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he was CRYING into my vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
