I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
