We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I skipped work to stalk him.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
