It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you.
Bad choice
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