Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
