I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
