Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
