This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
