Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
