I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have post one night stand depression
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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