Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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