my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
