You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
