Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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