the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
