I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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