i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I looked at my own cervix.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
