He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
