a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
