I cockslap morals
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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