I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
