I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
