I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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