I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
