where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
