someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
