Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize