Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is my gift to your gina
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
