I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
