Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
