spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
