Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
