3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
