i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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