I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
