so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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