I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
