i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
