If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
