were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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