we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
