Non-Jews are for practice
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
