i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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