Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
