i barfeds in our rink
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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