She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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