im six kinds of drunk right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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