I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
