My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
