I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
