This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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