I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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