Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
