You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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