Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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