Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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