Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize