I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
