So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
not ubering you a puppy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
